commitment

"We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition." --Rob Gordon, "High Fidelity"

I suppose I shouldn't have watched that movie again, being in a somewhat panicked state of mind, but I just couldn't help myself. Those lines keep bouncing around in my head along with the thought, "I'm turning 27. What the hell am I DOING?" I know I'm not being rational but I also know that at this moment, I TOTALLY understand that statement. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, and I know that I'm still relatively young, therefore "the rest of my life" is a good amount of time.

A good amount of time to find someone.
A good amount of time to accomplish something of value.
A good amount of time to become a better version of myself.
AND
A good amount of time to be alone.
Sigh.

The tagline for movie is: A comedy about fear of commitment, hating your job, falling in love and other pop favorites.

Maybe this WAS the right movie for me to watch again. I certainly understand the fear of commitment. I can honestly say that I have successfully sabotaged every relationship I've ever attempted, based on the fear that I might end up "settling." Now, I think "settling" sounds pretty darned good, but I don't know how to do it because I've been vehemently opposed to the idea for so long.
Do I hate my job? Hm. Well, I dislike the one that pays me, but they PAY me. I like the one that doesn't pay me, but I doubt I can make a living off of it, unless I decide to quit eating, going out, doing laundry or any other number of activities that require a few bucks.
Ah, and the last part of the tagline -- falling in love. I'm good at that. I do that all the time. It feels good. It's a pity that I always seem to fall for people that have no idea I exist. One day, Andrew Bird. One day...

I'm beginning to wonder about the concept of commitment. Is this something some people are born with, or is it something that's learned? If it's something that's learned, how do I go about learning it? What's more, is how do I commit to committing? Yikes. The very thought is enough to make me want a distraction from this post.

The other scene from the movie that actually gives me a lot of hope is this one:



I love the first 20 seconds of this clip, but it's the last three minutes that really get to me. I love it when the main character of a story learns something without losing any of the charming faults that make them a great character. That gives me hope.