Parents. MY parents. They have always held specific titles, for me. Mom. Papa. One day, I hope I can hold the title, "Mom," too, but I've never said, "I want to be like Mom." I've been content, more or less, with being "Shama." Until this weekend, when something strange happened.
I stopped looking at them as my parents and saw them, simply as people. Interesting, kind and sweet people. People who are just living out their existence, same as anybody else. No, better than most. They try so very hard to be good people, and in my mind, they succeed. As parents, I would like to say they've succeeded, but it's hard to separate myself from the bias I have, as their daughter. This concept has been bugging me. If they're good parents, does that make me a good daughter? I know I'm not, but I still think they're good parents. If they're good people, does that make me a good person, who is also a bad daughter? Or is a good person, by default, a good daughter? How do they think they did, as parents?
I can see what they've done for themselves and for their family, and I'm thoroughly impressed. I don't quite understand how or why the switch flipped, but it did, and I hope I can be more like them, someday.
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oh-oh...........I would propose you have just crossed over that imaginary line (doesn't this sound like Rod Serling...dodododo...dodododo...dodododo)........
But, I think you have. No longer seeing those parents as jailers, repressors of all fun and spontaneity, storm-troopers (well....maybe I go too far). You pass that marker when you can see (and accept) them for who they are....all their good and bad traits....and maybe even see some of these in the mirror staring back at you in the morning. (INSERT SHOT OF SHAMA SCREAMING ....EEEEEEEEEE).
That WAS.....whether you belived it or not when you were doing anything you could to get free of them....one of their goals. They put some good (and bad) sense into that pretty head......and around mid-twenties, it finally begins to dawn on you.....they did their best and now it's on your shoulders to carry on.
Now you get to make those decisions, and maybe in 25 or 30 years your kid will say....."she DID do I good job. I put her though hell, but she really did"
Anyway, keep up the fight.....someone did a good job preparing you.
M
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