the "i" is imaginary

i had a brief relationship-related chat with a friend today. we discussed her relationship as it existed in the past and present, and i realized that the advice i was giving her was advice i should be taking myself.

i hate when that happens.

after parting ways, i spent some time thinking about how i haven't really been taking care of myself, emotionally. sure, i have an amazing group of friends that i couldn't live without, but they don't make choices for me. i do that. as of late, i haven't been making very good choices, and i think i understand why.

emotional decisions tend to made, well, emotionally. we're inclined to think of our personal issues as nuanced and situation-specific, peppering conversation with phrases like, "Well, it's different for us," or "You don't really know them, so you couldn't understand," or my personal favorite, "He's not really like that." we get defensive. i think it's a natural reaction, but sometimes, not accurate. the "i" is the problem. "i" can't make good decisions because "i" am too close to the situation.

if this were math, "i" wouldn't exist and the equation would be simpler. oh, and there is no spoon.